The Expert Podcast

Hi, this is Dave, a certified civil and family court mediator. In many cases, when there’s a conflict, the issue really isn’t about the facts of the case or what needs to be agreed upon. A lot of times, it has to do with the personalities of the parties. This article from Psychology Today really hits home on that. They’re talking about relationships, but the same thing holds true with a conflict. In most cases, the facts of the case—or even in a relationship, the compatibility of the partners—aren’t really at stake.

It’s the temperament, the attitude, the psychology. One person might be passive, while the other might be more outgoing. One person might have a lot of pride and act out of spite or principle, while the other might be more conflict-avoidant. This is why, anytime there’s a conflict, having a mediator step in between the parties can act as a firewall between those different temperaments, attitudes, and emotions. In a relationship, a very good advisor or counselor can help both parties recognize that, at their core, they are truly compatible—it’s just their emotions that are blinding them to the validity of the relationship.

People are humans, not robots. We have emotions, and while logic and reason should be at the core of what we do, they may not always be the most influential factors when it comes to being with someone or agreeing with them.

You’ll be back to your video in just a few seconds. In the meantime, remember that actualhuman.com offers live, one-on-one private video consultations with an expert in this exact subject. We want to listen to your story, hear your questions, and give you expert advice about your options while helping you understand your particular situation.

Now, back to your video. If you’re stuck in a personal relationship, business relationship, lawsuit, divorce, or whatever it may be, and you can’t get past the facts because the other side has no grasp of your perspective, consider involving a neutral third party. Not someone who’s your attorney, friend, or family member—someone completely neutral, with no connection to either party. This neutral third party can help untangle and de-escalate the emotions.

In most cases, good people really want to work together. They want to find a solution—and I’m sure you do, too. Having a certified, trained, experienced mediator step in can help resolve the issue and, in many cases, demonstrate how to avoid those issues in the future.

Think about it—it’s cliché, but consider all the minor things used as punchlines in sitcoms: not putting the cap back on the toothpaste, leaving the toilet seat up, leaving a napkin on the table. These seem like small things, but they’re important to someone because they symbolize something deeper—an attack on their sense of order, respect, or recognition. It’s not the task itself that’s the issue; it’s what it means behind the scenes. A third party can help point this out.

By doing so, they resolve the issue and ensure that the other person respects it moving forward. This helps both parties avoid getting as hung up on similar issues in the future and maintain a good relationship with a good person.

Thank you for watching. Remember, you can access live, one-on-one personal consultations with licensed professionals at actualhuman.com. Whether you need a licensed private investigator, a commercial insurance broker, a certified real estate title examiner, a certified civil court mediator, or even a licensed building general contractor, click the link below. You’ll get undivided attention from a licensed expert who can answer your questions, provide information about your situation, and help you move forward.