The Expert Podcast

…There are many types of conflicts between people There are family conflicts There are financial conflicts legal conflicts Usually that's in a court like litigation. There may even be relationship conflicts. Sometimes these are in the workplace Any one of these conflicts ? Has an alternative. To a contentious. battle to get it resolved. Sometimes people look to the courts. You want to file a lawsuit ? You want to do something at a very high level with attorneys that could be done…But one very popular option is mediation. And if you and another party. Have some type of conflict I think of all the…disagreements that you've had in your life. Some of them have escalated beyond just a disagreement over a subject or over money. Over something in business. And if it escalated beyond just you and that person resolving it amongst the two of you. Very likely it took a third party. To force a resolution. And if that third party was a court. You probably didn't like the outcome. Even if you won…Because the outcome included. A long period of time…very intense arguing and conflict and a lot of money. Two attorneys…A better way to do it is to have or tempt at least at first. And mediator a counselor. Maybe an arbitrator. Look to try to facilitate a resolution between the parties. The biggest reason. The two parties do not come to a mutual agreement on their own. Is pride. It's that personal. Factor When you're talking to that person you may have anger You may have resentment. You may have jealousy. You may feel a sense of vengeance or revenge. And you don't want the other person to get away with something…But at the end of the day when you finish your court case if you take it to litigation and trial, even if you win, you may not be fully satisfied with that vengeance. or, vindication because the court is not going to punish another person…They're simply going to try to even out the score level the playing field. There's not going to be a punishment factor. All they're going to do is put you back to square one where you started where they started. A lot of times the reason somebody doesn't accept a settlement. Even if it's equitable is because they want more vengeance So if that's going to be the result anyway, Why not try. Mediation counseling. Or arbitration…What that entails is you have a third party who is neutral Doesn't have a say in the matter doesn't have knowledge of the people It's not a relative It's not a friend. If somebody who is completely unrelated, that hears you. Hears your story. Hears your point of view in depth because nobody else is. The other person who you are going against they don't want to hear your side of the story They don't care about your side of the story. So let somebody hear it all the way out Let you vent it all the way out…If you try to do this with a friend or colleague somebody you know, they might hear you out but they might go quickly to try to come up with solutions What you should do you should do this You should do that. Or they might totally agree with you You're right. And they might make your position more entrenched where you. Don't want to settle You don't want to. Come to some compromise…So. An arbitrator. Or a mediator can listen to you wholeheartedly hear your side of the story. And they're also going to listen to the other person too. And what they're going to do is they're going to find common ground in most…conflicts. There is more than 50% of the thing. that both people can agree on, but they don't see it because all you're talking about are the things that are in conflict…And that's all that comes on the surface. A mediator can find the things that you already agree on. And find a solution. That is about those things not about the. Disagreements. When it comes time to settle the things you don't agree on…It's a lot easier if you already have a lot of common ground. In reality. The mediator can take away that personal. Aspect of it. They could be like a buffer in between the two…It's like oil and water don't mix but there's certain chemicals that you can put in the middle of oil and water that make them work together. Like a catalyst. And a good mediator will hear both sides. They're not going to force any type of. Requirement of a solution upon you only the court can do that then you don't want to go there because it's like flipping a coin The court might tell you to do something you don't want to do to. A mediator can hear both sides. For. a solution that is appealing to both because. If I hear you as a party to a conflict. I'll know. What is something that is not only acceptable to you but very appealing to you…And when I hear the other person to the other side, Of the story. I'll know what is appealing to them. And that person with. A neutral unbiased point of view can construct and create a solution. That appeals to both sides. That's that's realistic to both sides in reality. You also don't have to say yes to the other side He takes that burden off of you to have to. Say yes And maybe. Be submissive to the party that you hate. Somebody who feels like. They did you wrong ? That's usually what the biggest barrier is You have to…eat humble pie and say yes all you have to do is say yes to the mediator and they'll take care of the details…It's a way to take the personality and the hatred out of a conflict…And a mediator or will find the common ground In…most importantly here all of your story there may be one. Key. Colonel. Of success within your story that no one's ever heard yet, because you start telling your story on the other side shuts you down and they say yeah but this, yeah but that…I don't want to hear it…As a kid you remember what we used to do when. We talked to somebody We didn't want to hear a law Right We blocked our ears and we didn't listen And we talked we said, nonsense words. In many cases. And mediation…Removes that from a conflict. Even though you or the other side's not literally saying LA LA LA You're saying words that are just as nonsensical to the other person. You might as well be just. Talking jibberish because the other person is not…resonating with what you're saying. It's not that you're wrong. It just both of your mindsets are in that rage factor where you're blinded. You've heard of being blinded by rage That's what's happening…And a mediator or can dissolve all that. And do it in a way. That…allows for. Maintaining your pride. Maintaining your integrity and your honor…It's all logical It's all rational to the mediator They don't. Take a side Now we care very deeply. About both parties and we care very deeply about. The success. Of that process as a mediator. We didn't we wouldn't want to mediate because look if you have to listen to people complain all day long and you didn't like doing it you wouldn't do it too long. It would be very toxic, but a good mediator has that. Kind of heart of a problem solver. To want to find a common solution. It's like a puzzle to us. It's a great accomplishment to see that and have that vision to see where both people really are on the same page They just don't know it. And usually it's something that's blinded them to seeing that…Again whether it's family business financial. Workplace. Let us see what the possibilities are. And the other thing we can add to the mix is we've seen hundreds and hundreds of cases of conflicts. We've been involved with. Court cases seeing what really happens in a court. And we can tell you look if you take this to court, This is what might happen Point out some…Potential downfalls for you. I can guarantee you. From experience. In 20 years. We've met with hundreds if not thousands of people that have been through the court process. Divorce lawsuits. Legal cases. Every single one who went through the court process wished that they did something to stay out of court. Nobody felt good about. Getting their solution through the court. Everybody wished in hindsight man, if I knew better, I would've avoided spending $80,000 on legal fees and. nine months of my life arguing this I would have just acknowledges We can point out what's going to happen. You don't have you're not forced to take our solution. But we can give you insight We can predict the future We're almost like a time machine. We can tell you look here's what will happen. If you continue this process. Your attorney is going to get rich…The court's not going to like either one of you. This is what the reality is You might win, you might lose but in a in the long run, it's not going to be good for anybody. And not only will be…Caring and sensitive and concerned about your wellbeing, but we'll also be very direct. Not in a mean way or harsh way We'll be very direct in telling you here's what the reality might be for your case. And will beg you. Please. Take that into account. Please avoid that because what we don't want to do. Is see you go through that pain and expense. Of a protracted. Conflict. For many months or years sometimes. With the damage it does to your. Emotional wellbeing. And the damage it does to your bank account. And even your relationship, even if you don't care about your relationship with that person, there may be other third parties that are affected by that longterm process. Even if they're not Directly involved in the conflict. Your friends relatives children family. Or all kind of…be part of your anxiety. During that process and have to support you. It's much better to have them support you about something that's positive than just keeping you from going negative. Let us help. Please. Check out our website. See what we can do for you. Put some comments below. About your potential conflict. And we'd be glad to be of assistance.