The Expert Podcast

So, if you're involved with any kind of conflict, a court case, litigation, divorce case, or maybe family mediation for child support, the question is: how do you find a mediator? Whether or not the court is requiring mediation, or you prefer mediation as an alternative dispute resolution, finding a mediator is the next step. The question is, how do you find one, and how do you make sure that they're any good? Here are a couple of examples of where and how to find a mediator that makes it easy. So, start with the parties you already know. If you're working with an attorney handling your case, your attorney will probably know some mediators, and more likely, they know ones that will match the type of case you're involved with. Right? So check with your attorney. Maybe even have the other party in your case check with their attorney. Because, look, it doesn't matter who picks out the mediator. A mediator is a neutral third party. They're not associated with any of the parties in a case, and they're not going to pick sides. Right? So even if the other counterparty picks out the mediator, that's okay. In fact, it might be an advantage if they feel like they helped pick it out. They might feel more comfortable in dealing with that mediator. That might be a good thing.

Another place you can look is if you're working with a marriage counselor or a therapist. They may know some mediators that also match your personality style and your communication style. It's another good place to find a mediator. Another place to look is your County Bar Association. Every state and county has a bar association where attorneys are members. Some mediators are attorneys, and some of them are dedicated mediators. The bar association normally has resources that help match up mediators with clients to get a dispute resolved.

Another really good place to look is the court itself. Whether it's a state court or local court, the court clerk may have a directory of mediators who are certified in that county. Mediators generally need to have a certification, and the court itself may keep a directory of mediators who are already certified in that county and already accepted by the judge or by the court. In fact, what you may find is they have a rotation, and they automatically will sign one to a case. By doing it this way, you may also discover that the mediation is paid for by the court. Some counties actually make mediation free for certain types of family law cases. Now, civil litigation and business cases typically are not free—you have to pay for the mediator. But some jurisdictions have free mediation for family law cases, divorce, child support, visitation—those kinds of things.

Last but not least, you may find that there are directories and national organizations of mediators. Mediate.org is a good one. There are directories that you can find online. Now, once you have located one or two possible mediators, you want to start asking the right questions to make sure that they're going to match your case. Here's some examples of what you might want to ask a mediator to find out if they're going to be good for your scenario. The first one is obviously to ask, "Are you certified?" You don't want to hire a mediator that has no certification or licensing, because in fact, not only might they not be any good, but their mediation results might not be acceptable to the court. Most courts require that the mediator be specifically certified, and if it's a family law case, they have to have extra certification.

Next is to ask, "What kind of mediation philosophy do you use?" There are several different approaches. One is a facilitator, where they're trying to facilitate an existing conversation. Another is transformative, where they're trying to transform the thought process of the parties. Another method is evaluative, where they're interpreting what's going on with the case and offering suggestions that may match both parties' interests. In fact, if you look at this past image, you can see that this is a graphic showing two people talking about a potential conflict, with the mediator in between. If you notice what the two people are both saying, one has these lines, and one has these dots. There's some overlap. In fact, what we find in mediation is that the overlap is probably much bigger than this small slice. It's probably 70 or 80 percent already overlapping with what the parties want, and the mediator really just needs to fine-tune that last little bit to come up with a solution that both parties can deal with.

So, finding a mediator is a good first step. Half the battle of mediation is showing up at the mediation. The mediator will do all the heavy lifting; they'll do all the work. You want to get started with the process and get past the obstacle of getting the mediation started. So contact them, let them do the work, do the scheduling. If it's a remote mediation, you won't even have to show up in person. It can all be done by video. That also gives you some distance from the adversarial party, so you don't have to be in the same room with them. It gives you some time to relax and not get too much anxiety, being right in front of the person you're arguing with. You can be separate, and you can take breaks easier. You can hang on one second, turn off your camera, go do something.

So look at those as possible advantages if you want mediation to work out in your best interest and avoid the side effects of a full-blown litigation or conflict, which can have a lot of cost and a lot of emotional baggage that goes along with it.